Since the beginning, my parents have told me to do whatever makes me happy. There’s never been any pressure about what they wanted me to do. Although, I wanted to play soccer because of my dad. When I was eight years old and my sister was six, he got into a motorcycle accident down in Mexico. Honestly, he shouldn’t be here but, he’s a badass, and he’s been here for me every day throughout this journey. Of course, there have been times it’s been tough. My mom has been the rock of our family. She is a badass too. My dad’s in a wheelchair now, but he’s always been there and he’s a massive reason why I’m in the position I’m in now. When I got my first ever call up to the U.S. Youth National Team, he and my mom cried on the phone because it was just like all the work we’d put in was coming to fruition. Now here I am, just back from my latest camp with the U19s, and it was a good one.
You see, my dad is a former U20 player for the U.S. Youth National Team. He knows what this is like. What makes a good international camp to me is just being around the boys and competing. It’s a fun team to play with. This window we played Argentina and of course, you want to start that match. Being in Argentina and seeing their set-up, it’s like a kingdom. It’s a whole different world, the six Champions League quality fields, the culture, it was amazing. The camp started off a little bit iffy, but then slowly I felt I grew more steady and finished strong. The coaches helping me out there were amazing too. Jason Batty, who used to be the Utah Royals goalkeeper coach was there, and our assistant coach is Jermaine Jones, who I grew up watching in the 2014 World Cup. The whole group we have here is family. Starting that match against Argentina was probably the highlight. Overall, it was just a positive experience. Then coming back to Utah after a camp like that, you’re feeling confident.
Four days later, Pablo pulled me aside at the training facility and asked me if I was ready to go that weekend. My first reaction was just excitement, I was buzzing. I didn’t know when this moment was coming to be honest, I just knew I had to be ready for when it did. Pablo told me he understood that the match against Columbus was going to be a high intensity, big match but that he trusted me, I just needed to do what I know how to do.
I walked out of the room and instantly saw Real Monarchs Goalkeeper Coach, Mirza Harambasic. He asked me what the plan was for this weekend, and I told him I was starting and he was so excited. It was a special moment especially since he had brought me to the Academy and to think of how much work we have both put in since day one and how much he has taught me, it was really awesome. Without him I would not be anywhere near the goalkeeper I am today. Honestly all the guy’s were super excited for me, Blake Kelly, Fernando Delgado, everyone. Then of course the first people I texted were my parents. First game, of course they were all set to be in Columbus to see it, even if round trip tickets prices were a bit rough.
That night, I went out and got dinner with Bode Hidalgo and some of the boys, but honestly my mind set was more, ‘woah I’m starting, I need to start locking in for this game.’
I was back and in bed by nine.
We traveled to Ohio the next day. Getting on the plane didn’t feel any different than it normally does, because when you’re rostered, you’re always thinking that there’s a chance you might need to go in. There was a bit more confidence though, just knowing you’re the guy that they picked for the weekend, and that you’ve got to try and not just do well, but keep the spot as well.
We got into Columbus late, but my dad told me he needed to see me, so I met up with him, my mom and my girlfriend at a local burger spot which was a nice moment. I had already eaten and it was late, but just seeing them helps with not trying to overload your head with everything going on.
Then the next morning I woke up at the hotel, and it was like “alright, it’s go time.”
It’s funny on gameday, this video popped up on my phone of me at an RSL vs Galaxy playoff game nine years ago. It was just so weird to have that pop up on that day of all days. It just made me think, wow I went from watching Nick Rimando in goal for RSL and now, today, I’m in goal. Weird.
While getting ready as the day goes on, I don’t really have any game day superstitions, I feel more of it is just me trying to remember what I did last time I played well. Did I eat breakfast at this time or at this time? What did I eat? Little things like that.
I did have great conversations with some of the veterans on the team. Damir was telling me, how you don’t get another debut, to go have fun, that the team trusts me and to do what I know how to do. I had a conversation with Zac MacMath too, and he was super helpful from beginning to end of this whole thing, just making sure I got everything I needed.
Now I’m at the stadium and we’re doing warm ups and instead of being the server warming up the starter, I’m getting served to. That’s when it started to feel real. I’m seeing the fans starting to slowly trickle in and honestly, just thinking of it now I’m getting chills. As more come in, I’m getting more and more amped.
I texted my mom before the game to let me know where she, my dad and my girlfriend were sitting in the stadium but had to go out to warmups before she got back to me. Back at America First Field, or at Zions Bank I know exactly where the wheelchair seating is, but I couldn’t find them to save my soul. I know the ADA spots are normally at the top, but it was no use. There were so many people.
The environment in Columbus is so dope too, the Crew has a great fan base and before you know it there’s all these people in the stands and you’re just like “oh sh-t.”
That wasn’t even it yet though, the real “oh sh-t” moment came during the national anthem. Definitely the national anthem. I see Nagbe for Columbus, someone I’ve grown up watching, and even just standing with Damir, it’s just surreal. Then it ends and you’re just in the mindset of, alright, let’s go.
In the moment, when you think about how you’re the second youngest keeper to start a MLS game, you’re like it’s cool, you know, whatever. But now looking back at it I’m thinking, wow, there’s a lot of kids that never get this chance. There’s a lot of dudes who sign MLS deals who never even play. I know that. So the fact I got to make my debut now, I know it’s a big accomplishment, but at the end of the day, I’m also just trying to have fun with it and do my thing. If I’m not having fun, it’s not worth it.
My gameplan for this game was first of course to do everything I can to help us win, and then personally to have a solid, consistent game, be calm on the ball and do what I know how to do.
Then the whistle blew, and it’s like okay, let’s go. No fear.
Then boom, minute and thirty seconds in, I make my first save.
It’s a cool thing to look back on, and think, there’s number one, I accomplished a dream, let’s keep it going.
I feel getting that touch on the ball early really helped me just calm down, “whew, all right, let's go,” you know? Let's just play around.
I had Zac and Nacho on the sideline too, to help me out giving me little tidbits here and there. Especially when we had the Ramadan break that kind of helped me sort out what I needed to do, and what the guy’s weren’t hearing from me.
During the game you're trying to talk with the guys, but you can’t. Like I'm screaming on the field but it's loud, it's so loud, it's definitely a bit different than trying to communicate being at home.
Especially with how they were playing with five up front, basically. You're trying to sort everybody out, but they can’t hear you.
Obviously things didn’t go as we planned, I think for me, after every touch of the ball, whether it’s positive or negative, it’s just onto the next one. I don't get too far ahead of the game, just one after another. You know what I mean?
The biggest thing, no matter what the score is, don't give up and just keep freaking playing.
I think going to grab that first ball in the back of the net, I’m thinking, oh man, what are their fans gonna say? Then I grab it and think, “All right, not super bad, I can deal with that.” On either end for 45 minutes, it doesn't matter who’s behind you during an away game, they’re going to be saying stuff all the time. Honestly, it’s super cool.
I talked with Zac after the game about just taking it all in, how that was just the first 90 minutes, onto the next. There's nothing you can do about the previous 90 minutes, regardless of the result. So you just gotta keep moving on.
I talked to Pablo as well, and he just kept reminding me to keep my head up and keep pushing. It’s all good, we’re gonna figure it out.
After the game, I’m looking in the crowd and I still can’t find my parents. Obviously I’m frustrated too, so I’m thinking, let’s just get to the showers and then get out of here. But then I find my parents, and I get to give my dad my jersey. My parents and my girlfriend, they were all so stoked.
It was definitely a special moment, because I mean, they've put in just as much of a sacrifice as I have. When I think about this moment, I think about them.
It definitely comes down to that. Leaving, going to the Academy and you never know, the amount of guys that end up making it all the way through the Academy. Especially goalkeeper wise, right? Because there's only one spot.
You’ve got so many field players that can play different positions, but I’ve only got one spot to play and that’s what it comes down to. So being able to just see all the years going to the Academy, being homesick and wanting to go home, were worth it.
Because there were times I was feeling, I hate this, I don’t want to do this. I would be on the phone with my mom for hours, she was always willing to talk with me though and encouraged me to just keep going. It’s so hard being away from home, and all your friends are in high school together, they’re going to parties, and honestly I could not care less about that stuff, but sometimes I would just like to see my friends and then go home and just sleep in my own bed. I just wanted to be home with my family.
I feel so fortunate to have found a group of guys like Bode Hidalgo, Christian Nydegger, and the guys I went to dinner with when I found out I was starting, and the guys that I get to hang out with every day. Honestly that’s what saved me from not wanting to do this anymore. I think of them too when I think of being able to do this.
It’s also a testament to the goalkeeping coaches that we have here at RSL, which is unreal. The standard of Blake, Fernando, Tomas, Zac and everyone else is incredibly high. Being able to have that group to train with, it’s a testament to everyone here.
Now, the focus is just the next game. It's always the next game. It's to keep battling and at the same time make sure that I'm having fun, you know what I mean?
Sometimes I get caught up in the day-to-day stuff you know, focusing on who we’re playing this weekend or training, but at the end of the day, you know, all my buddies are just getting done with high school, I’m not supposed to be here.
I just need to have fun and just remember all the work that you and your family put in. At the end of the day, I’m just so happy this is what I get to do.